My life has been going in one big downward spiral since I brought in the new year. I refuse to speak of any of the shit that has gotten me to this point of confusion but i just want to know what im suppose to do now. I dont know exactly what to do at this point and that frustrates me. I had my whole life mapped out and plans were made.
i feel like a failure. people tell me everything happens for a reason but i dont know what this was suppose to show me. all its made me do is cry a lot and shut down.
so i saw this guy at a party the other night. and he was really really cute and so i started wondering if he was someone who hated small talk, and didnt hang out in bars, and wasnt interested in playing games, and maybe we could fall in love right then and there, and maybe he would always hold my hand in public, and always smell good, and not complain that i didnt make much money, and give me the feeling that i can do anything, and tell me im good looking, and make me feel like im the only girl in the world, and find it endearing instead of annoying that i like rotary telephones, and make me feel like im going places, and not be a vegitarian but have a moral opposition to veal, and not look around the room all the time when we're out at a restaurant, and never stay mad at me for too long, and make the coffee at least 50% of the time, and bonk my brains out with great regularity, and tell me i look cool when i drive, and never answer his cell phone when we're hanging out, and not talk about his ex-girlfriends all that often, and write me silly notes sometimes, and say im dark and mysterious even after youve known me for awhile, and tell me i could be a model for a best selling dildo, and give me back rubs on occasion, and not get mad at me when i call him when im drunk, and not get scared if i get really attached, and not consider it a wasted day if we never get out of bed, and likes the fact that i have a pair of those knee high leather boots somewhere in my closet, and not get mad that i never remember the rules for poker, and make everything all better when i have a crappy day.